A Piece of Peace

A little life lesson on peace.

Peace is the most underrated thing on the planet you know. That, and raisins mixed with yoghurt as a simple desert. Y’hum.

So many of us live lives of conflict without even realising why. We’ll stay in relationships or jobs were not happy in, complain about things that can easily be changed and never try to actually solve our own upset. Once, I remember I was sat in the canteen at school and the girls next to me were being loud, I didn’t like it and one part of me wanted to stay where I was out of ‘principle’ and brood over my dry bread, building resentment that could’ve spilled over in to an unproductive argument with 5 girls who would’ve stole my bread, however a little voice in me said ‘Cass, just…move…’. So I did. Why put myself in a situation I don’t like out of what I thought was ‘principle’? It wasn’t until years later I realised what it may have actually been.

I read a book entitled The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it honestly changed my entire life. It talks about how we all have a ‘pain body’ within us that enjoys feeding off negativity, drama and upset, hence why some of us subconsciously seek out/continue problems, enjoy gossip and watch TV shows that are FULL of arguing. Feeding time feels good.

I remember when I first became aware of this pain body, I was with my ex boyfriend around 5 years ago and started an argument out of nothing at all. Something stupid like ‘why don’t you reply straight away?!’. Very ridiculous. I remember it felt GOOD to argue for some reason, and even the depression/sadness that followed almost felt sweet. It’s a strange sensation. It’s a bit like how there’s a whole genre of ‘sad girl music’ that feels amazing to indulge in (Lana Del Ray - you’re my fav sad girl xo), and how we get lost in TV shows that bring nothing but grief. After I began this random argument out of nothingness that was when I realised that this was real and I didn’t like it at all. Since that day I’ve actively tried to rid myself of it.

It’s not an easy process, it’ll fight to stay alive. People will look at you like you’re deluded for reasoning/understanding people who have hurt you. They’ll call you a pushover when you don’t react as they would. They’ll call you weak when you try to make amends. None of that can matter, what matters most is your peace. Conflict is nectar to the pain body.

*Disclaimer: this isn’t taking in to consideration how some people stay in places they don’t like because they’ve been abused or manipulated or because their circumstances force them, that’s a whole other box that I’m unqualified to open at the moment, however the book does touch in this too.*

There’s a differentiation to make between this kind of peace that comes from a good place and a pseudo ‘peace’ that comes from avoiding conflict all together, however. Sometimes conflict that feels un-peaceful in the moment is necessary to the bigger picture. Setting boundaries is conflict. Addressing issues is conflict. Standing up for yourself is conflict but when they’re handled with the knowledge that you want them to end with peace, love and respect they’re handled in a certain way. It won’t be a screaming match and with both parties seeing red but a conversation with understanding and love. What I did with my boyfriend of 5 years ago? Chaotic conflict. Not good. A peaceful life isn’t one without disputes but one where you can have necessary disputes and they don’t descend in to chaos or take you over for long lengths of time.

In the process of seeking peace we have to understand what true peace is for us, how we want to be treated and how we’ll treat others. It’s difficult because along with that will come the task of removing people from your life who you may love dearly, but if they don’t respect, aid or nature your peace by overstepping boundaries then unfortunately they have to go. I’ve removed friends from my life, left jobs, ended relationships and discontinued by Netflix (was causing conflict with my productivity lol) and as hard as all these things were at the time I’m always aware of the long term benefit which is a life of peace.

This isn’t to say as soon as someone does something we don’t like we cut them off, it’s all within reason and understanding the context. Okay, so your friend borrowed £10 and hasn’t paid you back yet - cheeky yes, but maybe not a reason to call in a removal van. Your partner cheats on you for months and months on end and showed no sign of stopping before they got caught - disrespectful and a reason to cut ties. Someone steals your cat and throws it in the canal because it looked at them funny - concerning and definitely a reason to leave them alone…and potentially call for help.

Everyone has their own boundaries so it’s not for no-one to say what we should cut people off for and what we shouldn’t, as I said earlier it’s for you to know what peace looks like to you.

I value my peace above all else because I know what it’s like to not have it, to be controlled by this pain body that seeks nothing but destruction. To have friendships/relationships where I felt constantly disrespected but never addressed it because of the sake of ‘peace’. To feel like I’m losing my mind…I left that life and now prefer a life of actual peace and love *hippy Cass activated*. A life where the people in my life love and respect me and yes, we may have had difficulties but there’s an over arching peaceful understanding.

I’ll say it again, a peaceful life isn’t one without disputes but one where you can have necessary disputes and they don’t descend in to chaos or take you over for long lengths of time. Jesus is our peace in the midst of a storm which shows us that we can have another level of peace even through conflict that may be important to have in the moment. Bars.

I’m not perfect and have sometimes given in to this pain bodies hunger pangs so I will, of course, get in to conflict in the future but I hope that a majority of this conflict only ever comes from when I’m fighting for myself or boundaries and not because of something that I’ve conjured up to feed the pain body within. Oh, or fighting for the last slice of cheesecake in Marks and Spencers.

Cass

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Hi, thanks for reading! My names Cassandra Maria, I’m a comedy writer and creator from Birmingham. Day to day I present on three different shows across Premier Gospel and Premier Christian Radio and oversee Premier Gospel’s social media platforms. In 2021 I did a TEDXBrum talk on why it’s important to laugh in even the worst of times entitled ‘How Laughter Helps Horror’ and have a skincare page dedicated to bringing a little light to people fighting chronic skin conditions.