Self worth, to some it sounds like one of them wishy washy things that empowerment speakers bang on about having whilst spewing very basic information about how ‘you must love yourself!’ and ‘never let anyone overstep your boundaries!’. Unfortunately this is going to be one of those posts lol but in a fun way! yay!
‘Boundaries’ used to feel like such a strict word, whenever I heard people mention them I’d picture them with a judges hammer sat on top a pedestal smashing people out of their lives here, there and everywhere, not being laid back in the slightest and always being uptight. This image deterred me from making and sticking to any boundaries for so many years as I wanted to be the ‘cool, laid back hippy like chick’ but I’ve come to understand they can go hand in hand. I can calmly tell you where you’ve crossed a line, enforce them, potentially let you go and hug a tree all within 10 minutes.
I’ve struggled with self worth almost my entire adult life, having so many siblings (almost the size of a football team, God bless my moms vag) and not being a ‘popular cool girl’ in school my self worth was scraping the floor like the belly of a 4ft overweight man. However, in my journey from my late teens to late twenties I’ve watched it flourish in to something that can’t be moved, touched or shaken. I’m a bad ass beech. Simple as.
This week I was reminded of why self worth is important. I made the decision to end a relationship after boundaries I had put in place from the get go had been trodden on. It was a very tough decision and one I was determined to follow through with but what it showed me is how far my self worth has come.
A little self worth analogy and how it ties in with our boundaries. Someone once asked me to imagine that a person kept slapping you on the back, you say to them ‘stop slapping me on the back, I don’t like it’ but the person continued to slap you on the back, you told them if they do it again you’d punch them and they do it again. You tell them one last time if they touch you in that way (not that way, get your mind out the gutter) you’d hit them so hard in the jaw they’d have to eat their food sideways but they still continued, would you assume that person respects you? Of course not, you’d start to believe (and correctly so) that they don’t value or take you seriously enough to stop them from doing what they want to do.
And you, do you value you if you don’t stick to your word and punch them with a fist the size of Thanos’? Of course not, because when you respect and value something you stick to it and that includes your word. You ensure that boundaries are respected, you see the importance of treating you as you should be treated and only having people in your life who follow suit. When I ended this relationship it wasn’t for a lack of love but because I respect myself way too much to stay somewhere my boundaries aren’t respected as much as I believe they ought to me.
I’m nearly 30 (18 year old me is vomiting in some corner right now, yakky) however almost 30 year old me actually enjoys her age, why? Because with it came wisdom. A lot of stones in weight too but more importantly, wisdom.
A way to determine your self worth is to assess which boundaries you’re allowing to be trodden on and why. It’s to constantly enforce them and actually stick to what you say you’re going to do, no matter how difficult that may be. That way, you build respect for yourself, you start to rely on yourself and you start to deem yourself worthy of being taken seriously. If you can come through for you by honouring your own words you’ll become unstoppable. It’ll take a few practises and a lot of mistakes but eventually you’ll develop a robust system and a life that wherever you go you feel respected and loved.
This may sound as though there’s no fun involved but they say a disciplined life is a happy life and I’ve come to agree. Discipline is our friend, it’s not allowing life to just ‘be’ but instead ‘‘being’ what you want it to be. This doesn’t just pertain to our diets, gym routines and careers but also to who we allow access to us, what we’ll put up with and sticking to our promises to ourselves. This way, you’ll feel as in control of your life as one can/should at any moment, and that’ll feel amazing.
That’s this weeks blog. It may be a bit all over the place because enforcing boundaries can make you feel as though you’ve just thrown dynamite in to a mine and blown everything everywhere but one thing that’s not all over everywhere is my self worth. And my clothes, they’re packed away neatly in my chest of drawers, yes be proud of me, thanks x