Community...(Not The TV Show)

A little life lesson on community.

I’d be more than able to write a newsletter all about Community the TV show with it being one of my favourite shows in the history of the world however, this is more about the communities we find/build for ourselves.

When I left Birmingham for London 2 years ago I didn’t have much experience in building communities or seeing the necessity, I had a group of friends who I’d known since school, siblings and was starting to attend a church where I knew several of the members. As difficult as this may be to believe as I am very friendly in person, I struggled to maintain friendships because I wasn’t used to having to put effort in to them, I simply had them and that was that. Making new friends was easy, keeping them was not.

Then I moved to the Big Smoke and within 2 months of moving…pandemic. Yikes. I found myself very isolated with not even a person on the street to smile at (I remember in the height of the pandemic whilst walking in to work I strolled past a father and his son coming back from Sainsbury’s all masked up with gloves. They were looking at me horrified, mouthing something and I, with headphones in, took one out leaned forward and said ‘pardon?’. They moved back and shouted, ‘get back! you’re too close!!’…bear in mind this was a tiny street and if I was to move further away I’d be in traffic, a very long side note to say people were truly unapproachable, and insane.)

This was a difficult time and as much as I can be extremely introverted I found myself craving community, friends, people…So as things started to open up again I decided to find these communities in life drawing classes, intentionally making friends with selected people, building new, healthy relationships that felt good to be in and it was then that I realised: we all need this. I enquired about joining a roller blading community, wanted to start attending a church in London when they all opened back up and made it my duty to fill my life doing things I love and seeing people I love all the time. This isn’t to say I cannot be alone, I’m quite contempt being alone, however I have to respect the fact that I am a human who needs people.

This is a biblical principle too, when God made Adam he said ‘it’s not good for man to be alone’, it says in the New Testament ‘you shall not forsake the assembly of the righteous’ and there’s countless scriptures on friendships.

Now I’m back in Brum I’m finding new communities to be a part of, for example pole dancing (I know, very ‘off brand’ but I’m obsessed), church, and other things where good, positive people are.

When we get to a certain age it’s almost as though we think it’s impossible to make new friends, build communities and fill our lives with love in every corner, it’s not. Some of us have to get over the ‘I don’t want to beg friends’ phenomenon and understand that if you meet someone and vibe it’s not begging, it’s creating. I read a book once that said how many of us don’t make new friends because we assume the person we met didn’t like us as much as we did them, studies found that actually a high percentage the time the other person is thinking the exact same thing (sorry, I tend to read or listen to books and forget which ones they are lol). It’s a shame that good connections are lost because of our own brains telling us untrue information.

If you find that you feel like you’re lacking in life, that something feels empty or that you look on at people in groups and yearn for that same level of interaction then I urge you to find a community of people and be unafraid/open minded to who you may meet. Be intentional, be magnetic, be you!

Last line sounded like something out of a health advert but here we are lol have a lovely weekend and challenge yourself to do new things!! Unless those things are something like throwing cans at pigeons, then don’t do that.

xx