The 'drag' of dating...

A little life lesson on dating.

So, as you may or may not know, I am in fact single. Being single has never really been an issue for me, I’m quite content with my own company, love my space and have amazing friends that if I do want to go for dinner, drinks or darts (never played darts properly but I like alliteration) they’d be more than happy to accompany me. I’ve built a life outside a relationship that means I don’t always feel the gaping whole that a partner could fill.

But, I do feel it…

A healthy relationship can bring so much joy, relieve stress and generally provide a safe support system. There’s certain things you can do with your person that you can’t do with your mate Matt, and if you did I’d have to question the friendship. I feel like, as women, whenever we say we want a relationship or feel the absence of a partner we’re seen as super desperate, unable to be alone, very co-dependant and unstable. That’s not always the case. A healthy relationship is like cake, I get by most days without cake and am happy to eat meals that have no cake content in them whatsoever but at times, I really want cake. There’s no real substitute for cake, cake is cake. A pie is not cake. A milkshake is not cake. Does that make me desperate for cake? No, but it’s just silly to act like we never want cake when we do in fact, want cake.

Now I want cake, actual cake not this metaphorical cake. Banana cake to be precise.

I digress, point is it’s okay to want to experience that part of life and after I unexpectedly left my last relationship I found myself not actually wanting to be in the ‘single season’. I was happy in a relationship and didn’t want it to end but due to unforeseen circumstances it had to. So I did what most people do in 2022, I signed up to apps. All of them. Bumble, Hinge, eHarmony, Match (not Salt - haven’t had great experience on there) and I began dating. A LOT.

I went on all kinds of dates with all kinds of people, Ikea dates, dinner dates, go-karting dates, park dates, drinks dates, VR dates, dessert dates, I even went on a TV show that revolves around a date (more on that later) and I’ve learned a lot about myself, what I find attractive in a person, what I don’t and what my standards are. It’s been an eye opening experience to say the least and I’ve grown over the process. It reminded me that I was desirable, wanted and sought after. It reminded me that the ‘spark’ that many people think doesn’t exist, does. Chemistry’s important.

When you get older you start to think about settling. I was getting to a stage where I thought in terms of logics instead of feeling, my brain would say “well, this guys got a good job, is really in to me and wants similar things to me, I don’t feel that spark but maybe I should just settle for him”. Dating has showed me that no, I want that spark, I love being head-over-heels and expressing that freely, I love being in love with someone and having them feel the same. Most importantly, I want it to be real and I refuse to settle for anything less. Life too short to be stuck with someone who you kinda like but they check your ‘boxes’. I want the person who checks most of the boxes and sets my heart on fire at the same time. Someone that when all that fire dies down and you settle in to life together they’re still someone you love because of who they are, how they treat you and the friendship you have. That’sssss what I want. My safe space.

If I hadn’t thrown myself full force in to the dating world I would’ve forgotten this and settled for someone I didn’t really like but were solid on paper or someone who treated me poorly, not meeting my standards in respect but I loved. I’ve learned you can find someone who meets your standards and sets your heart on fire in the process, I have dating to thank for that.

So yes, dating can be a drag but it can also be a blessing when you take each person as they are, re-invent yourself, move out of your comfort zone, your type and go in to each date with a relaxed, open mind.

My cake search is tbc.

Cass

xx

Hi, thanks for reading! My names Cassandra Maria, I’m a comedy writer and creator from Birmingham. Day to day I present on three different shows across Premier Gospel and Premier Christian Radio and oversee Premier Gospel’s social media platforms. In 2021 I did a TEDXBrum talk on why it’s important to laugh in even the worst of times entitled ‘How Laughter Helps Horror’ and have a skincare page dedicated to bringing a little light to people fighting chronic skin conditions.